I'm Not Afraid Of My Own Name

by Chris Cappello

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1.	New Me (Intro) (free) 02:41	lyrics	download

2.	Cheer Down (free) 04:57	lyrics	download

3.	Kendrick Park (One Last Song For Someone Else) (free) 05:32	lyrics	download

4.	Providence, RI (free) 05:18	lyrics	download

5.	Us (Abridged) (free) 02:24	lyrics	download

6.	If I Forget Your Face (free) 05:21	lyrics	download

7.	Sweet Innocent Loneliness (free) 08:05	lyrics	download

8.	The Once-Was Man (free) 09:55	lyrics	download

9.	Decade Of Dumb Decisions (free) 05:24	lyrics	download

10.	New Sweater (free) 04:03	lyrics	download

credits

released 25 January 2012
Players:

Chris Cappello - Guitars, vocals, drums (#3,4,10), percussion (#7)
Alex Mukherjee - Drums (#2,6,7)

Guitars:

Burns Brian May signature electric guitar
Fender American Standard Telecaster
Martin DX1AE
Takamine 12-String acoustic guitar
Rob's Dobro

Mics:

2 SM-58 dynamic mics
1 Samson dynamic mic
1 First Act dynamic mic
1 Audio-Technica AT2035 condenser

Recording equipment:

Logic Express 9
2-track PreSonus Audiobox USB with midi input

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about

Chris Cappello is a singer/songwriter from New Haven, Connecticut. Someone should have told him to make friends as a child, but instead he picked up a guitar. He started writing music at age fourteen and he hasn’t been happy since. He’s sorry if he wrote about you. ... more

Recommendations

shows

Jun 08

Arch Street Tavern

Hartford, CT

discography

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Track Name: New Me (Intro): Pull me out
and tear me down
and make me smile like I used to

Find me someone to please
bring me what I need

New LPs and someone to please
someone to live for and take
an empty heart to break

I need a new me
a new person to be inside my body
The people I meet, they don't remember me
they just gaze at their feet and walk by

So I need new people to see
new friendships to long for and take
this empty heart to break
Track Name: Cheer Down: (Part I: Every Day)

I think I'd rather cheer down
than try cheering up
I think I'd rather shut in
or try to shut up
and be lonely and bored like my dad used to say

I think I'd rather cheer down
than try cheering up
I think I'd rather go to sleep
and dream of never waking up
I think I'd rather cheer down
than try cheering up

Because I know "every day is a new day"
but every night alone just feels the same

------------------

(Part II: Every Night Alone)

I think I'd rather cheer down than try cheering up
because everyone that I know is falling down on their luck
and everyone that talks to me just can't talk loud enough
to hide their boredom

and when I finally open my mouth to speak
my words don't come out sounding quite the way I wanted them to be
so I just tuck them away in my head (in the scenery of memories and empty feelings)

I think I'd rather stay quiet and passive when I pass you in the halls
and make no comment on your dress or how I want to kiss your neck and touch your skin at all
I think I'd rather stay quiet and passive when I pass you in the halls
and when I talk to you (if I talk to you at all)

So I'll go home and count my money and my records
and the times I've had my chest caved in
and I'll say "Cheers" and down a couple with my friends
inside the basement I was raised in

and I'll go back to where I started just to turn around again (I'm sick of circling)
and I'll say "Cheers" and down a couple with my friends inside my head so I can keep them in.
Track Name: Kendrick Park (One Last Song For Someone Else): I used to think that if I had your number, I'd be better off
and I could call you up one night and see when you were getting off from work
and maybe see the world with me

Drive me to Kendrick Park and see in the dark
and we can hide out from the people we don't want to be
and other people like you and me

So much older than me, so much wiser than me
you seemed to be

I used to think that if I had your number, I'd be better off
and I could call you every night, and I could try to get you off
in a childish fantasy of a teenaged boy like me

So much older than me, so much wiser than me
you seemed to be
But now the world has come around
and my memory has not blacked out
but that was only real to one of us, and how?
How could you not remember Kendrick Park last March?

I used to think that if I had your number, I'd be better off
and I could call you up one morning and drive anywhere that's not too far off of the map (that we lacked anyway)

And there's a map in a Bright Eyes song you sang to me
You said, "Go explore those other women, the geography of their bodies"
but I think that you said it in a dream
I think that you said it in my dream.

Nineteen years old, really just a young innocent soul,
but so much more aware of all these things
I guess that's why you never understood my dreams, darling.
Track Name: Providence, RI: Providence, you're beautiful when every day begins
Our story never ends, it gets told over again and again

And the sky was bright and open on the bridge where we first kissed
In the park where we first listened with our heads

Is there something in the air that makes me smile when I talk,
and puts a fast step in my walk when I'm beside you?
is it something that I hear each time you whisper in my ear,
trying to nullify the fears I have of ever leaving here?

Well I don't know whatever makes you happy in this town you call your home, beyond the simple notion of never wanting to be alone, with each syncopated pulse reverberating through our bones...
Well baby you can call this heart your own, as long as I can have your hand to hold.

Providence, you're lonelier than you have ever been,
but sadness it won't end, it goes on and on and over again

You can hear the sounds of longing from your room in Barrington
Where your body tried to bend with every movement of my hand

But there's something in the air that lingers lasting on your skin, and leaves an imprint of my kiss on all your mirrors
And with each street sign that you pass, you know babe that this song is going to last the whole way home
until you're fast inside your bed.

So we're here together now, and we'll be there together then
and in between you know I hope that we get through it
I know that three weeks can be long, but it wasn't hard to write this song
and it won't be hard to learn the words and sing along

'Cause there's something in the air that lingers lasting on your skin, and leaves an imprint of my kiss on all your mirrors
And with each street sign that you pass, you know babe that this song is going to last the whole way home
until you're fast inside your bed.

Because if memories can fill the hole my absence takes away, i'll make you new ones when your old thoughts start to fade
I'll make you new ones when your old mind starts to stray
and plant new seeds when that old tree starts to sway.
Track Name: Us (Abridged): We made a plan to piss of everyone we knew,
and when it didn't work we tried to kiss each other

We talked for weeks about the inconsequential things,
and I cried when you spoke about your mother

You promised me that there would be
more than just mutual admiration between you and me

But we're just two lost kids
with our New England suburb lives
living hundreds of miles away from each other tonight

---------------

you will never hear a second more of the rest of the words that I put on the page. I put them on the page, and I put them in the grave. I'll bring them to my grave.
Track Name: If I Forget Your Face: I didn't want to turn this into another breakup record, baby
but this is what you get
and this is all you get from me

just last night my new girl left me
i guess she never really had me
she left through the screen
the same way that she met me

but i was sure that she still wanted me
whenever i looked in the mirror screen
i could see the marks she left

and now my veins are as red as my heart's ever been
and they're sewn to my outer appendages
and you can feel the sting with every breath you're drawing in
when you realized that your biggest sin wasn't taking off your clothes for a teenage kid

so I'll heal myself with metal
and alcoholic poison
just to cover up the knowledge that i exist without a reason

and i probably won't forget you
without my new medication
it takes a special kind of substance
to make a boy like me complacent

it takes a special kind of person
to do something so awful
and if i ever see that person again
she'll know, and wish those seeds were never sown

so if i ever do forget your face
i will blind my eyes with a can of mace
and if i ever start to lose my place
i don't deserve to see another face
but if harmful drugs cannot erase
all the harmful thoughts in my headcase
i will blind myself
i'll sell my place
i don't deserve to see another single face
Track Name: Sweet Innocent Loneliness: (Part I: An Uncertain Drive To Hartford)

Black water on the back porch
We didn't fill the dog's bowl until you came around
Black streaks down your face
Didn't think that we would ever leave this place

But you drove me away in your dad's old car
Over bridges and highways
Our dog ran away, but we got this far
and now we're gonna throw it all away (someday)

Black thoughts cloud my head
as I'm lying here in this bed we once called our bed
and I'm talking to people I once called my friends
about you, well what else could I do?

'Cause when I put my lips to your mouth
I can taste the red blood that he let out
and I feel like the black scab that's forming in his place

and when I touch my hands to your face
I know that I will never make your heart sway
the way it sways for him
I can feel his breath on your lips in every kiss

and when I put my mouth to your lips
I can almost taste what I thought I'd never miss:
the cold sting of loneliness
sweet innocent loneliness

--------------------------

(Part II: Sweet Innocent Loneliness)

Sweet innocent loneliness
Sweet innocent loneliness
Oh, I never thought I'd miss
Sweet innocent loneliness

Sweet innocent loneliness
of a teenaged boy who lives
in my mind and inside of his
there's no thoughts that will harm him

No people ever harm him
and no one will ever leave him
No one will ever love him
but no one will ever hate him

No girls will want to date him
and no guys will ever rate him
No one will ever love him
but no one will ever hate him

Sweet innocent loneliness
of a boy who did exist last year,
before he chugged a couple beers
and then he got kissed
by a girl he'd forever miss
and now he longs for that bliss
of sweet innocent loneliness

But when I put my mouth to your lips
I can almost taste what I thought I'd never miss
The cold sting of loneliness
sweet innocent loneliness

And when you put your lips to my mouth...
Never put your lips to my mouth.
Track Name: The Once-Was Man: For now you are dead to me
Pale white face on a screen
Empty heart that's been closed to me
Empty heart I can't see

Tears that I can plainly see
Mark your face in effigy
"Here hangs the soul of a Once-Was Man"

But you will slowly rise up above my bed and into my mind
And you will surely climb all the walls I built inside
and I will let my guard down, and let you reside

and your skinny arms (that you placed around my neck)
they're gone, gone away
and your skinny legs (that you never did respect)
have run, run away (carrying you)

and my skinny wrists
they're thinning now for you every day
and they're stained with the color of the paint
the paint that slowly courses through my veins
the paint that once made me red in the face
now I'm white as a ghost and you're to blame

So now, you're alive to me
once more, but only fleetingly
because darling, I want you to see
that it's not you; it's me
who made you happy

But tears you can't procure from me
they'll burn my skin, or what's left of me
and my touch will melt away from your body

And you will go on in life
off to school as the future wife
of some idealistic guy
who loves you well, and loves you blind

and he will be widely praised
for his dignity, and Christian grace
and you will tell yourself that it's more than just okay.

But I will slowly rise from underneath the tangles with which you bind your mind
And I will surely creep up beneath the floorboards on which you sleep
in that house where we once cared so deep,
so deep.

So you will give yourself to me
and lock my lips in that chest in which you keep
my torn-out heart, freshly emptied

and when I finally make you leave
It won't be you, and it won't be me
It will be us who are dead to me
and the Once-Was Man will be buried.
Track Name: Decade Of Dumb Decisions: When I was five I moved to DC
and ever since then things have been great for me
Everyone in my life is happy

But when I was six, things didn't work out
My father was angry and living in doubt
My mother was sad, and my sister was only a baby

But I'm still here, no I never left at all
I'm still in this city until the fall
and he's still sleeping in that children's hospital
with a million patients, and none of them worse off

So don't leave me here
in my crippling, miserable fear
of my own self-doubt, alone
and don't wish I die
because I do that all the time
Every step that I take is mine

Ten years down some drain
in a basement apartment somewhere on Ash Tree Lane
Ten years awake
contemplating every mistake that I've made
and that I will make

A decade of dumb decisions, all my own
a decade of dumb decisions, waiting by the phone
for a call from some girl I don't know
ten years alone.
Track Name: New Sweater: I promise to still wear band t-shirts to punk rock shows
and cut my jeans to shorts in the first week of Summer 2012
But I won't hesitate to not remember you by then
'cause in the folds of my new sweater I'm protected

I promise not to think about the times we had
and I promise I won't sing another line like that
and I swear, I swear, I swear that I won't write any more songs until I'm happy knowing that

I won't go out in the cold
Put something warm around my neck
and venture home

And if I don't make it out alive, by the springtime you will find my thawing body lying still in the melting snow
And if you ever had a doubt about this sweater wearing out, you can be sure it tried to keep me from the cold

So please don't go out in the cold alone
Put something warm around your neck
and venture home

'Cause I will stay right there beside you
It won't be mine, it will be ours
All those threads all intertwined they will be ours
and if they ever start to fray, I'll be the first one to accept it
But they'll never start to fray, not as long as our love's protected
We'll be happier here.